"I'm not going anywhere."

From sixty to forty
But still the shorty
An untamed animal amongst the herd
But simply, just wanna be heard

Questioning every decision that has been made
Hanging by a thread at the tip of this blade
With no shell, a homeless crustacean
Left behind with no consolation

I figured it out already.
In the future I shall see
What will be and what is going to be
When I was stated C
Instead of the usual B

There was no end to the strife
When she's a quitter in love,
While I'm a quitter in life
At least when we're both comitting,
She's still alive.

For all the undead and the living
The biggest irony, though
With a little taste of despair

The last thing she said before leaving;
"I'm not going anywhere."

Earthquake

The shakes
Keep getting stronger
Keep coming periodically
The head rushes
Strike, melodically

Having a little joy to crave
Belittle that I'm actually the one,
Who is keeping score
Have to keep reminding myself,
That you're not here anymore

Losing both the battle and the war
Back to that phase again,
Locking the front door

Hoping to not coming back again
Can I just, simply, disappear?

Slave

I'm on my knees,
But they're keep calling
One by one besides me,
They're falling

Not a good thing, though
Barely breathing with just a little bit of air
Everything to share
Can't tell which is fair or not
But everything around me is already,
In pair.

From eating everything
To never consume anything
The teasing and the joke
More than enough to make a stroke

Putting themselves where the peace is
And now I can rest in pieces

I Love (The Idea Of) You

Yes, it was love but,
No, it wasn't unconditional

I'm not even demanding for an apology
Jumping into conclusion at the first glance
Even in messing up I am a prodigy
You could never plan romance

Keeping your name on top of the shelf
Thinking holding back is better than the rage
What you've been telling me or telling yourself
Is it setting myself free or opening your own cage?

Not as furious as the last time
Only unchecked everything from the top lists
Another self proclaim but it was sublime
Did nothing but settling with my own fists

I've sat countless nights in front of the door
Wondering if the cold would take my soul
What I've been really wishing down to my core
Seeing you knocking and making me whole

You never loved
You never have
Not for what I am or who I am
You just love the idea of me.

I'm Fine Without You

If you meant staring into space everyday,
Still finding the permanent cure
Seeing from every different point of view
Then sure,
I'm okay without you.

If you meant getting no job done,
Always feeling insecure
Wanting to call,
When this head was placed under curfew
Then sure,
I'm good without you.

If you meant crying myself to sleep,
Worrying every minute every second
No consolation
Just like the last time
Another isolation
Sure,
I'm great without you.

If you meant daily face palms,
Can't even stop the bleeding
Close enough to dying
Rejecting a love this pure
Couldn't accept, easily withdrew
Then sure,
I'm totally fine without you.

I Hate It

The way someone likes another
Not really owning one
For better or worse, or even better
Not all the damage are done
Obsession.

The way someone says,"I'm broken."
But still excel at getting paid
Have a job or not failing or outspoken
Either find love or getting laid
Hypocrite(s).

Looking at the adored one, love potion
But not like the way it did anymore
Was a choice, but now only an option
Aching for attention right to the core
It hurts.

Instructions Unclear

Truth be told, speaking carelessly
Despising a moment of clarity
Not to mention threading carefully
Catching a glimpse an unimaginable picture
Out of of nowhere, so unnecessary

The time one said it was A
To the point where it lead to B
The one who made the day
No longer about the bird and the bee

Just begging in a lifetime to meant it
About simply caring and how to feel
To trust not much but one bit
Did nothing but only kneel

Can't guess or escape out of this hell
Getting back on track, when out of sync
What to do, please, do tell
The only thing to do is spilling this ink

Just A Little (Too Much)

Before and after
Well, we know the differences

To joke a little bit
To do pep talk a little bit
To drop the needle,
On where we sit

To burn the cold when it's frozen
To cool it off when it's hot like hell
To share some weights when it's overload
To console and say all is well

To simply stay whatever how it is
To be with no one else out there
Not only be the love of our college
To say the word love 'til one could not bear
and having me, simply acknowledge

To be careless never again nonetheless
None of the changes have surprised me as such
Just a history repeating itself
To spare me, a little time
Am I asking too much?

Lost

A lesson,
A blessing,
She's both.
A reason
For growth.

Receiving our everyday's pat
La grand amour
Even more than that,
She's my saviour

Picking our usual cup,
Talking about our usual affair
How can I even pick her up,
When she's not there?

Mentally died the first time I lost her
Who knows what will happen,
The second time things do not concur?

Still thinking I'm doing fine
Distance makes me do things out of line
Running out of how to greet
Feeling like walking through a one-way street

Exploring this new world of yours
Hoping my vision won't bring me to my all fours
On the seaside, a fistful of sand
Slipping right through my hand

What we do now did reverse
The words that are said now did diverse
Still believing all are hopeful
To be or not to be, careful

Relapse

The same old song, playing on repeat
It was simple, the number twenty three
Craving for something sweet
But, where were we?

A mutual feeling that can't be labeled
Remedy for a low point that's not really new
Just an abstract button to be enabled
Those teeth still my favorite morning view

Trying my best, caught you off guard
Sometimes, it's not enough
Full of joy, but we both scarred
Sometimes, it gets rough

This weak soul already settled
Fulfilling our life all in your terms
Things like double standards, feeling dismantled
The laugh obeys, the tear confirms

Take it slow, darling
It's not a sprint, it's a marathon
If you allow me for one sure thing
To be something - you can count on

One

Different angle, different view

Still a huge hole to fill in

No man can always play detective
Just seeing things, with another perspective
In a game that can't be won
That one game, nobody can outrun

Seeing reflective on a puddle
Risking everything to put the one on the middle
Wondering around looking for the aftermath
Instead, found a chaos bloodbath

One could only wonder, imagining
Between one's brain and one's heart, crashing
On the side of the beach, standing
In one's own thought, sinking

Slit on one wrist, how can one live?
So much demands with so little to give
Simple things like a stupid pun
Don't even mind to be called the other one

One's keep reminding not to worry
But the other has to be hurry
Sharing future as a common goal
To be half or to be whole

My Other Pair Of Shoe

We were not actually off to a rocky start
Just planning what to eat or add our shopping cart
From the deepest of my heart
We will never be apart

This is not actually a poem, it's a letter
Although we know you deserve better

I sincerely wished we never lost the last three years
Maybe you didn't know that somehow I live in fears
I wouldn't, but I shouldn't be sad
Couldn't be upset over something I never had

I'm sorry if this is all too cheesy
Too fond of words to be even a little breezy

I won't know the future nor who you will marry
Lessons we learned that I'll always carry
Giving me tons of wildest memories
Slowly fading, taming my inner beast

Without saying those three words
Without hoping you say,"I do too"
Just know that, I really do
You're my other pair of shoe

Closure

Another story ends early this morning
A literal example from a bad decision
Another story, another beginning
A haunted house yet another mansion

Some things broken, all systems fail
Believes change, paper crusts
Showed up in the form of mail
Getting out of empty trusts

She can hear colors out of the blue
Scratches not only form my thumb
Patching things up out of pity
Nothing does matter, already numb

It's great actually, a view from above
Leaving traces while sitting peacefully
Enough said, we all outta love
The time has eventually come,
To take everything,

I mean EVERYTHING,

Easily.

The Useless One

Meet the mother.
A loving wife.
A part-time gardener.
Showing how to live a life.
Working hard as a bargainer.
Always simple and being an example.
The kindest person under the roof.
Never leave things undone.
The loved one.

Meet the father.
Solid as a rock.
Pushing himself on a morning walk.
A designated driver.
A corporate survivor.
Even though he had never be fun,
He's the responsible one.

Meet the sister.
She's always there.
She's everywhere.
Being a wonderful mid-wife.
Already figured out her life.
Praised by the family.
Oozing so clammily.
As silent as a nun.
She's the smart one.

Meet the son.

Laying around like a dog with no job.

As useful as a cobb.

In his twenties and unemployed.

Took his test so long.

Like the intro of every song of Pink Floyd.

Even though he got straight A's.

From his birth to his high school graduation.

Even he was the ace.

Now he seems like he's at the end of the station.

Just point his head with a handgun.

Because he's the useless one.

Oblivious

She's not unbearable, just too predictable.
Even though it's not fair,
For me or for her, to compare.

Making me better than being with myself.
Not keeping my mind in my own shelf.
To prevent me drowning in my own haunt.
That is simply what I want.

Even though I don't feel the tingling,
Slowly, I'm healing.

Maybe I just can't wait.
Because everybody needs a clean slate.

Picking up from what we left but it was different.
Getting some tonight then act indifferent.
Try to talk highly but she's not on the same level.
Sort of having a conversation in the medieval.

Trying to ignore her, for stating the obvious,
She had no idea, totally oblivious.

Promises

No lies, consider it done.
Exchanging smiles, from day one.

No more playing, no more second thought.
I'll never try to make you something that you're not.

Making you laugh,
Writing our own autobiograph.

These are not promises,
These are vows.

Erasing this lost cause.
Hoping we unpause.

How Ordinary Are You?

Stepping into the light.
Stars, they unite.

Living in a denial.
Placing death on a speed dial.

Future with no face.
Where troubles take place.

One day it feels okay.
Then god says,"Not today."

Dreaming of a perfect world.
A life of the uncurled.

Another tale of a question.
Add a third party in that equation.

Being married to sorrow.
Gonna try,
First thing tomorrow.

The One

Telling these stories hoping a clean slate.
About you know what and you know who.
Years too far and years too late.
About when I fell and which I blew.

Searching for The One.
They said.
What comes after The One?
The next one.
The other one.
They said.

For better or worse, she chooses.
Getting out of formality.
Every little details every little excuses.
Making path out of technicality.

All these years I've been listening,
To my own gate, opening.
Always looking.
Secretly wishing.

How Come?

Two nights in a row write something new.
About how and when, to name a few.
Going out with the most delicate girl at the prom.
Will never happened from where I came from.

I'll never be the tightest.
A dying sun shines the brightest.
It always happens after eleven.
Too curious that you can't even.

Doodling creatures from a perfect world.
Being the one who winning but your stomach hurled.
No connection or whatsoever among your friends.
A simple sentence leading to where it all ends.

Those energies you said you were trying to embrace.
They shall reap in ashes not leaving any trace.
Recovering faith, but maybe just a little bit.
The dream stands still, you're just not in it.

Last Encounter

The day has come.
He made up his mind.

Kind of resolution.
A little bit revolution.

No more of,"She was there."
This is the last Tuesday.

He's no longer the main option.
Not even an option, apparently.

No more gazing through the hole.
'Cause you're the brain then you're to blame.

Maybe his kicks won't be as sharp anymore.
But at least his brain won't splat anywhere.

He hopes she took a very good look at him.
Because that might be her last encounter.

He sure realized those didn't rhyme.
Well, maybe another time.

7 November 2017, 21.37.