To Be Loved

Have you ever feel you're the odd man out among your friends?
Once again, that's my everyday. In every circle.

Your friends, they are attractive, they are charming inside out, they are beautiful.
You, well.
You're the wise one who gives every best advice they can get.
You're the clown one who makes everybody laughs. 
But yet, you have nobody.
You don't even remember how to love, how it is to be loved.
Everyone leaves you everytime they take pieces of you.
You are torn apart.
You lost yourself being someone else trying to be what she wants.
But she's not even worth it.
They're not even worth it.

So you keep yourself locked away.
Nobody can't even reach you.
Nobody can't even touch you.
Their voices not even tip the very surface of your ear.
They left you one by one, yet you don't give a shit.
Because, you get used to it.
You keep punching yourself.
You keep letting people punch you.
All just because you're already numb, inside out.

They keep coming.
Keep coming.
Keep coming.
Keep coming.
Keep coming.

Keep coming.
Keep coming.

Keep coming towards you.

Taking pieces of you.

Keep breaking promises.

Knowing you'll never run out of patient.

Loving,

Until the noose comes to your neck.

Until the sword comes to your cord.

Until the bullet finds its way to your brain.

Maybe this kind of love I will always get.

Because hey, who doesn't love to be loved? ;)

Full/Half Eyes

When everybody around you is a friend,
You don't even want it to end,
Showing scars and trying to heal them,
Never been in a chaos or mayhem,
You see everything so clearly,
Doing daily activities normal and ordinary,
Sleep tight not waking up at midnight,
Not losing any of the sight,
Trying to be cool and trying to be nice,
That's full eyes.

Having these insecurities in every crowded places,

Your stomach so hurt that you can barely throw feces,

The wounds won't even healing,

Just pray to god for the sooner calling,

Throwing anything until your room is a mess,

Nobody couldn't even careless,

You can barely sleep struggling with your own thought,

Makes you wonder for who you fought,

Living everyday with these anxieties and lies,

Now that's half eyes.

'The' Cycle

This is, the only cycle I believe what happens nowadays.

I better start with the jerk.
As you can see;

The jerk, fucked the good girl.
The good girl, becomes the bitch.
The bitch, fucked the good guy.
The good guy, becomes the jerk.
....and so on.

Just guess what phase I am in.

The phase I'm not trying to be.

Fortunately, there isn't the 'dead' phase (yet) there.

Time's Up

I kinda wonder,
Why are you all so kind?
I mean,
You're all helping me,
To be like this,
For still having these feelingless minds?
To be such hypocrites,
To lie and hurt me countless times,
Instead of making me bigger and better?

I'm still grateful, though.
I'm thanking all of you,
For everything you did,
For everything you didn't do.
It makes me stronger, at the same time;
Destroyed me.

While timing is a bitch,
When life's nothing but timing.
Until I reach my breaking point.

Well, what's the point of living, anyway?
That's my watch you see.

Just like crackers,
Just like corroded steel,
Just like rusty planks,
Just like, promises.

My watch. No. My time - my faith - is broken.
Coincidence or not, the crack located on my very vein.
A sign? Or maybe is it all a vain?

Guilty (My) Pleasure

I tell them the truth and what they wanna hear, at the same time.
It's not a lie, or even a crime.
Blame myself not torturing your own mind.
I'm not any special, moreover one of a kind.

Have you ever been in a crowd,
But you're feeling lonely,
Lonelier than you ever were,
That you decide to move away,
Lock yourself in a room,
Being quieter than any space,
At the same time,
It's the loudest room you ever be in,
Just you, and your thoughts,
Suicidal thoughts; to be precise?

Afraid to go out,
To see the world,
Pushes away every single person that get near you,
Mentally,
Kicks away every positive thoughts,
That trying to get inside your mind,
Or even physically,
When your brain and your soul don't match,
At all.

That's my everyday, though.

Tiada Matahari

Ya, hari ini juga hujan.
Cucian hari ini pun susah untuk kering.
Terperangkap dalam kotak sederhana.
Hari ini serba merah dan sedikit terlambat.

Semudah itu mengatakan,
"Setidaknya aku sudah meminta maaf."

Indahnya paras membuat lupa bahwa ini dunia fana.
Sekaligus semudah itu berbuat kesalahan.
Kita berpindah kamar namun tak bergerak kemana-mana.
Entah apa yang direncanakan untuk kaum Adam dan Hawa,
oleh Tuhan.

Selalu tentang harta, tahta, wanita.
Berpura-pura tidak peduli, seakan tak acuh.
Sampai kapan?

Janjikan satu hal;
Namun bukan hari ini.