Promises

No lies, consider it done.
Exchanging smiles, from day one.

No more playing, no more second thought.
I'll never try to make you something that you're not.

Making you laugh,
Writing our own autobiograph.

These are not promises,
These are vows.

Erasing this lost cause.
Hoping we unpause.

How Ordinary Are You?

Stepping into the light.
Stars, they unite.

Living in a denial.
Placing death on a speed dial.

Future with no face.
Where troubles take place.

One day it feels okay.
Then god says,"Not today."

Dreaming of a perfect world.
A life of the uncurled.

Another tale of a question.
Add a third party in that equation.

Being married to sorrow.
Gonna try,
First thing tomorrow.

The One

Telling these stories hoping a clean slate.
About you know what and you know who.
Years too far and years too late.
About when I fell and which I blew.

Searching for The One.
They said.
What comes after The One?
The next one.
The other one.
They said.

For better or worse, she chooses.
Getting out of formality.
Every little details every little excuses.
Making path out of technicality.

All these years I've been listening,
To my own gate, opening.
Always looking.
Secretly wishing.

Loose Ends

How the hell a text message can ruin your day?

Let me tell you how my days go so far. Not going to class, stress-eating almost everday, didn’t go to train at all, and today I’m walking to the atm to draw some money on my campus, in the rain, with a pair of jeans and a sweater, and went back to my dorm. Internet is mean, I’m telling you.

A blog supposed to be a modern diary, a place when you are spitting out about everything. So here goes  a big one. I’m questioning my decisions since I’ve finished my high school. To be honest, mostly regret. I’m a big irony. I’m regretting that I joined this, let’s just call it: The Sea. The two bottomline is two of the biggest bottomline that everyone has, life and love. If I never joined The Sea, I would never be this much of a mess. I will be just stay fat, finished my college by now, getting a corporate monkey job, earning money, living my life. If I never joined the sea, I would be getting over my first love, not getting the second heartbreak from someone I thought my soulmate for life, virgin and happy, until finally the one comes along, loving my love. I’m always telling myself to not having any regret, no wondering, no what ifs no maybes, no buts, but I’m exploding with all of those now. I’m a human after all.

So now, bye bye healthy life, bye bye diploma, and bye bye love.

Can I just pack my bags, run off somewhere, and start a new life?

Kita Dan Kata

Membungkam berhadapan kursi tak bernyawa.
Hujan terbahak dengan gemuruhnya.
Bertukar cerita dengan kopi melalui nadi.
Terlalu erat dipeluk sunyi.

Tanpa saksi hanya angin di beranda.

Hanya ukiran lalu menghias tanpa nada.

Bahwasanya mereka berbincang tanpa suara.

Rahasia rindu yang dibalut lara.

Detik berlari dengan kilat.
Meretas memori dalam kotak cokelat.
Bayangan pencipta elegi.
Merasuki akal sehat hingga terbunuh mati.

Pada sumpah dunia berada,

Rasa yang terbaring di atas keranda.

Bertingkah agung setara artis.

Belaka diam bertenggang puitis.

- SDA x Arch -

How Come?

Two nights in a row write something new.
About how and when, to name a few.
Going out with the most delicate girl at the prom.
Will never happened from where I came from.

I'll never be the tightest.
A dying sun shines the brightest.
It always happens after eleven.
Too curious that you can't even.

Doodling creatures from a perfect world.
Being the one who winning but your stomach hurled.
No connection or whatsoever among your friends.
A simple sentence leading to where it all ends.

Those energies you said you were trying to embrace.
They shall reap in ashes not leaving any trace.
Recovering faith, but maybe just a little bit.
The dream stands still, you're just not in it.

Last Encounter

The day has come.
He made up his mind.

Kind of resolution.
A little bit revolution.

No more of,"She was there."
This is the last Tuesday.

He's no longer the main option.
Not even an option, apparently.

No more gazing through the hole.
'Cause you're the brain then you're to blame.

Maybe his kicks won't be as sharp anymore.
But at least his brain won't splat anywhere.

He hopes she took a very good look at him.
Because that might be her last encounter.

He sure realized those didn't rhyme.
Well, maybe another time.

7 November 2017, 21.37.

Silver Lining

Taking effort trying not to lose my grip.
Even though I'm three years ahead of you,
In this relationship.

I don't mind going nowhere by bus.
I'm just terrified living in a world,
Where there's no us.

Memories.
Some people may take photographs.
But I prefer paragraphs.

Can't decide what's worse;
Staying up all night,
Or always forcing yourself to sleep,
Then always waking up at dawn?

Well, I'll just gonna play along.
I don't even notice anymore,
When you play our song.

I'm feeling kinda artsy now.
Feeling relieved,
That I don't have to make a vow.

Don't take the positive out of everything.
Take the negative and fucking fix it.
You know,
Silver Lining.

If I could mail it,

The doubts and regrets in my thoughts,

I would gladly make a toast,

And release it all form my drafts.

He Misses You

I know that we haven't spoken for awhile.
How we teach ourselves grow apart.
Is it so hard to hit dial?
Turn the world upside down and have a fresh start.

Long trips and quick getaways.
To avoid seeing how beautiful you bloom.
Wondering how my life would be if she stays.
We were inseparable, but now we can't even be in the same room.

How sad it was to stay in your own thoughts.
Guessing how crowded the ambience of your wits.
Asking myself about you tying the knots.
Remembering our throne and it just fits.

Telling people to be up and about.
Seeing that maybe you still having a doubt.
Watching a movie and missed the preview.
Wasting time and money just to tell that he misses you.

Still Nothing

Not that I'm looking forward to that travelling train.
Or that we will crash and burn inside this never ending trip.
They said that it will be fun to walk in the rain.
Her only logic will eventually as much as a sinking ship.

It's only logical, said the one and only Mr. Spock.
Nothing came close to whatever she had in her mind.
Granted to whoever arrives in her tiny little sock.
Every other direction then goes left behind.

Later, she assumed that was because her departure.
Sadly, I'm just simply back to what I were when she wasn't there.
Even when she claimed she was in a torture.
Willing to die to receive every man can share. 

Obtain permission to tear the world apart.
Realize that she can still change her everyday.
Kind of odd if you think this is come from a sincere heart.
Delightful prison is a place when you can't have your own way.

Square One

Two sides of a story, one step at a time.

Wondering why, when, who, or what could've been.

On the edge of my seat where the inspirations rhyme.

Killing expectations because of everything we've seen.

I have tried starting from the scratch.

None of it stopping me from staying in my bed.

Down to the bottom of an unlockable latch.

Side to side where she painted her world red.

Words are you filled the jar with predictable lies.

All around the earth's atmosphere.

Voices meant to be written instead of being wise.

Every inch withdraws ourselves just to make it clear.

Since it's apparently useless facing the truth.

I realize that I'm always going back to square one.

Only to find that there is no fountain of youth.

Nevertheless we both agree that what's done is done.

Gravity

Being such an illusion to the unidentified memories.
A world full of lies about unicorn and fairies.
Coming from a consciousness full of distress.
Keep falling down from taking a guess.

Dozens of desserts which fall off the table.
On the edge of the hill and your emotion's unstable.
Wonder if we can call it a tragedy or an anomaly.
Nothing came close to what you call a family.

Since when breaking hearts being a state of art?
Think about the time we drifted apart.
Old mistakes and old doubts are keeping me preoccupied.
Putting lemons on the scars and letting it bleed aside.

Pondering alone as if today is our last day.
Rest assured that it was only a foul play.
As long as the gravity works on the science fit.
Yet stumbled upon chaos to the bottomless pit.

Paradise Canceled

A lifetime struggling in this kind of mess.
No signs of miracle it will be any less.
Two spaces apart that no one would believe.
In a small crack that breaks the silence causing relieve.

Down that road everyone thought would be scary.
On scale one to ten that turns out to be ordinary.
Time apparently answers if it does not heal.
Every path we took where dreams can be real.

Testimonials for this lost cause.
Open your eyes and see what you cost.

The phase that took small pieces of you away.
Hauling our breath and haunting everyday.
Is this how it feels to be not so special?
Spending your free time to be superficial.

Heard that you're trying so hard to be bold.
It's terrifying to know what future will hold.
Getting your way with that fake ids.
Hoping to put their mind at ease.

Heaven's closed and there's no room for romance.
Only a knowledge of there's no such thing as second chance.
Playing victim fishing for another guilt.
Eloping as sign that another wall is being rebuilt.

Long Lost Love

All seeing eye that sees through a thin line.
You already have yours and I already have mine.
Setting fire giving chills to your bone.
How do you expect to see your own gravestone?

Imagine you are finding your long lost love.
A magic that does the trick from up above
Thinking all the things that you've been done.
Figured all night that she might be the one.

Looking for forgiveness across the universe.
As you dig deeper only to find that things just got worse.
Sleepless nights with quotes written on the glass.
Those eye bags represent the middle-class.

Tell me everything will be just fine.
Amuse me with stories over a bottle of wine.
As we grow old and secrets burden in our spines.
Your love is illogical, it's magical.

Table For One

Twelve o'clock it's three drinks breezing cold.
Three o'clock it's five where they were growing old.
Talking about work in front of the under-graduated.
Catching dreams from the feelings that are complicated.

Shouting while cursing like nobody's around.
Observe, but closing the curtain, yet they bound.
Tightening torque inside cheap skinny jeans.
In a cup filled with nothing but saturated fat beans.

A long bench with no residents, its just standing still.
Forcing sleep against the power of will.
If they even aware the human being around or just clones.
Looking down with no smile upon those smartphones.

Sometimes we know someone from her playlist.
Driven away when she saved a melody that barely exist.
You can learn so much from this table for one.
A million type of blazing hell to the midnight sun.

We know you lied that you're not interested,
In time travelling shit knowing you were wasted.
Since we can't outrun each other every Tuesday,
It's killing me that I can't even say,"Hey".

Pertigaan

Cerita ini hanya didengar oleh aku dan secangkir kopi
Dua baris paragraf yang mengisahkan bingkisan bercorak magenta.
Empat bangku dengan dua orang di seberang dan berkawankan sepi.
Mereka bersua sedangkan aku mati dibunuh kata.

Telah tiba hari di mana nurani sampai di pertigaan.
Antara ladang kering atau tanah penuh genangan.
Tertera tanda memutar balik yang dapat menjadi pilihan.
Kaki terpaku pilu, kaku tak mampu berjalan.

Ratusan konsultasi dilancarkan kepada seorang insan.
Bukan rayuan, bukan keluhan, bukan juga roman picisan.
Hanya rintihan, selingan perputaran roda kehidupan.
Ini baru permulaan, di ujung sana terdapat titik persekutuan.

The Last Of Us

I knew it was a fate when we met and tied together.
It's not really not just the same now without her.
Nowadays I'm not really being unfaithful.
When I stepped that pedal my life became officially dull.

I know it's cliché when I say I haven't move on
And I know it's an irony when sometimes I stalked you since you been gone.
The path I walked in since we took part was the opposite of cotton.
If only I could press a reset button.

Look at my dreams, they're all shattered they're all flying.
Pay attention to this pot, this rose is dying.
We can't expect of somebody to be our last.
No matter how hard you try, you just can't escape the past.

"The world took something from him,

So he took something from the world."

-The Last Of Us (2013)

One Heavy February

On the edge of empire of hollowness.
Neither one of us would take that leap of faith.
Every other people who share to their beloved ones.

Hence I chose not to be ordinary.
Even if those heroes point their swords against me.
All the wrong choices brought me to this February.
Violates every step that I took even though I was shimmy.
Yawning every night silently in that library.

First of all, I'm not trying to be all gloomy.
Entering the darkness asking for your pity.
But I only wanted us to be easy.
Reap the stones, making my path shiny.
Under the shooting star wishing them to let me be.
Above the road I'll make them see.
Rise and shine, you filthy sack of vanity.
Yet I survived again this month of serendipity.

Nine Pillars Of Clarity

To slowly die in vain, or to be suffered in pain.
Even when people have to bow, they must be sealed in a vow.
Feeling tricked within two cities in such a shame.
Only to realize everything is nothing more than just a game.

Spending pennies and cents to forget of how it was.
In a cheap café trying so hard willing to adjust.
In a night where the moon sends her best regards.
In a useless world when  the memories caught you off-guard.

How god create such a scenario to a happy ending movie.
Dream about travelling countries in a faceless RV.
Why is it so hard to get a life which is safe and lovely?
I'm taking a stand, strong enough to wait for a remedy.

Antara Kembali Dan Menetap

MELELAHKAN, INI MELELAHKAN!

Tanpa disadari ternyata tak dapat lagi dipungkiri.
Sekarang pukul sepuluh tapi bahkan belum setengahnya.
Delapan puluh sembilan langkah setapak menuju ke kiri.
Menghilang tanpa suara tapi belum ada yang bertanya.

Ujung pisau yang terasah membisikkan jalan pulang.
Roda gigi yang berputar menyerukan tanda silang.
Bila malam memiliki batas ketidaksinambungan,
Mengapa mereka tertatih untuk saling bertukar peran?

Ketika layar menjadi gelap dan refleksi diri telah terpampang.
Cekungan ragu di pelosok nurani yang terdalam.
Bukan salah senja jika sinar mentari berjalan menyimpang.
Hanya seutas rindu yang ingin menyampaikan salam.