Can I See You Again?

We barely knew each other, then we met.
A single day I won't ever forget.
It was raining, but you didn't care.
We split the bill and it sounds fair.

You smiled,
You laughed,
You asked me,"What's going on?"
You gave it up to me,
You prayed,
You told me to move on.
You figured me out.
 
We were so close, we were cold.
As the time passed by, the moment was gold.

I was worried,
About my first impression,
About how was I look and how I dressed,
About how I smell,
About how I not to get nervous,
And you figured it out, as well.

Toss aside the loneliness and the pain,
When can I see you again?

Chapter IV -What Love Is-

-------15 May 2011, when I was still on my way moving on from Nova, there was a girl named Zoey. In fact she was already in my attention even before I met nova. But what I saw that she was flirting on me, and be with other guy in just ONE MONTH. Hurting, isn't it? What confused me more that she had crush on me while I was still with Nova. And guess what? She got me. That day. I started to talk to her again and we were confessing each other that she had a crush on me and finally we dated on 2 June. CRAZY, isn't it? I didn't know what happened to me, did I just want to revenge her or I really love her but what I feel couldn't even compare with my love to Nova. And one day she told me that she was not a virgin.

-------18 August 2011, "I have to tell you something, Chie. I'm not a virgin. I know I should told you before." I paused,"I'm really sorry, and for the past, when I dated him and wasted you, I'm really really sorry. I'm cheap." she cried. I'm shocked. I hugged her,"I love you, Zoey." and from that day, we spent our ordinary days just like a couple and she always smiled and laugh but I know deep inside her heart, she was not into it at all. Until one day she talk to me,"I'm not worthy for you, Chie. You're a great man and you don't deserve me. I was wrong not to choose you back then. I regret what I did." "You shouldn't say that. It was your past and you get your second chance. I'll always by your side no matter what." "That's so nice of you, Chie. That's why I loved you and that's why I loved you. But this is not right. It feels right but it's not right. To me. Please go and forgive me, Richie. I wanna take it back before it all went wrong." after a long conversation we broke up. With a goodbye kiss. Love is not about your statuses, not about your virginity. It's about how you feel it and how you do it. not about your nation or your race. not about how charming is your face. But truly what I thought was,"How was it to be betrayed? TWICE?"

-------Each night since the day I met Trixie we always sing together on the veranda. 2 August 2012, when we kissed,"This is not right. This is not right." "What is it?" "I don't know. It just feels not right. I'm sorry, Trixie." I walked to my room and jumped into my bed, thinking of everything and then go to sleep. I thought of Nova, Zoey, and Trixie. Makes me don't want to involved in something with women. You never have to ask why my relationship with Nova didn't work. Same old answer: Long Distance relationship. Now she continues her school to college. She was so angry when I told her that I want to travel the world. I don't have to mention why, do I?
-------3 weeks after I met Norman. Almost one month. Still no improvement, I'm frustrated. Norman doesn't show me her disappointment but I know he is disappointed. I threw myself on the park bench and light a cigarette. I'm tired. Until then a woman shows up,"Excuse me, is there any space beside you to me to sit?" Weirdo, can't you just use a simpler language? "Oh sure, please." She looks like a salary woman. A success woman in an office suit. But I don't care what she wears or even what she does."Cigarette addict, I bet? You know, one cigarette contains......*mumbling about the danger of cigarette*" I hate being told by everyone or being yelled. Who the hell is she to have rights to mumble in front of me like that? "Okay, okay I get." I throw my cigarette to the ground and stomp it."Hmmmpppph, you haven't change even a little bit, Richie." She shocked me. She's someone who made herself my first love. She's the one who filled my teen age. She's the one and my only, Nova! "Nova, what the hell are you doing here?!?!" "Still the same Richie. Cigarettes and Rude Words. I came here to meet you, no other reason, duh!" "Re... Really?" "HAHAHAHA and still the same old Richie."

Place & Time

I saw you. Yes, you.

I cried right away.

I came a long way though my heart is aching.

My watch stopped working, but I'm still wearing it anyway.

It's 1 o'clock.

1 minute later, it's still 1 o'clock.

2 days later....

9 months later....

It still says 1 o'clock.

Unless you move the minute and the hour hand, again.

Give back the times I've wasted.

Just for these high expectations that will never come.

I walk alone,

Until I've had enough faces I recognized.

Their smiles were not even close to entertain me.

What I learned and realized that,

This place isn't just a city.

This place involves Joy,

Anger,

Sadness,

Anxiety,

 ------------------------------------------------------------

 Eventually, I'm waiting for nothing.

Forever

"Happy Birthday!"

Yes. It was my birthday.

No. I'm not happy.

It was just, birthday.

 

You texted me and brought me down.

 I couldn't feel my feet in this town.

You broke me and turned me around.

Since you left, I've been picking the pieces that can be found.

Different smiles 'cause you're long gone.

Cut me deep through my bones.

You never leave my mind, you never disappear.

Just look back, I'm never going anywhere, dear.

I never forget, I never forgive.

The best treat I can ever give.

I've been wounded everyday from this scar.

Knowing you will always be this far

Ripped shoes and my life's a mess.

A kind of life you will never guess.

For all the lies and broken trusts.

All I had, was us.

26

You're a projection,
Of total perfection.
In an imperfection,
That I could've imagine.

They say when you get older,
You will be wiser.
Through the various aching, but
Well, you're not aging.

We were close, once.
Through the smile and the bounce.
Your rebel sister and your hard-working mother.
To be truth I miss them as long as i remember.

It's not you, it's me.
Classic alibi everyone can see.
I was the first person you had,
Sang your lullaby and get it through my head.

I know it all,
"Friends" is something anymore we can't call.
A step I couldn't take back.
When I drove to that prom and we dressed in black

I'm sorry that it was all lust, not love.
I'm sorry that I was stuck in the middle and couldn't look above.

I shouldn't hook you in the first place.
I couldn't stand the night I saw your face.
You can say it was all only a phase.
A path that I lost, footprints I retraced.
A short year I considered a grace.

I'm 'Not' Through With You

Can you see me?
Floating above your head, as you lay in bed.
 
And I don't trust you.
Cause every time you're here, your intentions are unclear.
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call.
That I know will never come.
I used to think you were the one.

You ain't ever coming back to me.
That's not how things were supposed to be.
You take my hand just to give it back.
No other lover has ever done that.

Do you remember?
The way we used to melt.
Do you remember how it felt?
When I touched you? Cause I remember very well.
How long has it been?
Since someone you let in?
Has given what I gave to you?
And at night when you sleep,
Do you dream I would be there?
Just for a minute or two.

Do you?

Heartache I just have so much.
A simple love with a complex touch.

I called to let you know I'm not through with you.

-M5

Anxiety

It becomes dark when someone touches.

It becomes worse when both crush.

Blood falls,

Tears can't even stop them.

I heard footsteps from miles away,

They just feel too close,

Really close.

Until I couldn't feel like the time is ticking.

A woman with a brown-long-straight hair is slowly humming.

It was a sign,

That something bad is gonna happen.

But it happened.

What I did, just ignored it.

 -Rahmanda Janice Jessica

This, sums up everything.

Ketika Kau Yang Membedakan Kita

Kau yang menyangkal, kau yang menjauh, serta kau yang meminta
Kau yang membedakan aku, kamu dan kita
Frekuensi suara ini tak lagi terjangkau di gendang telingamu
Derap langkah paralel, seirama namun tak pernah bertemu

Mereka terhanyut meski ini hanya sekadar pemberitahuan
Perdebatan antara lebih dari dua orang dan mereka semua berkepala batu
Hanya mencoba merapat, menyusuri dan menghilang perlahan
Dan musuhku pun bermunculan satu-persatu

Ini bukan tentang kehilangan, ini tentang pengkhianatan
Seperti yang telah kubilang, kata 'maaf' itu sakral
Karena bukan hanya telinga, batin pun ikut menyaksikan
Sebaiknya jaga setiap lisanmu, karena yang akan keluar adalah kekal

Walaupun jatuhnya perlahan, namun pasti
Mungkin lebih buruk dari sekedar kematian
Di depan layar ataupun cermin, itu bukan refleksi
Melainkan sebuah muatan negatif
Dan kau; Naif

What You're Thinking

You’re just a stones throw from me,
But throwing stones could never be,
The perfect way to start.
 
If I knew what you were thinking,
I would stop this boat from sinking,
But darling you are like the sand,
And you’re slipping through my hands,
I just don’t know what you’re thinking.
 
If I knew what you were thinking,
I would stop this boat from sinking,
But darling you are like the sun,
Setting when my evening comes,
I just don’t know what you’re thinking.

If I knew what you were thinking,
I would stop this boat from sinking,
But darling you are like the stars,
I know I can’t reach that far,
I just don’t know what you’re thinking 

- Passenger

Obedient

The words fall as I trying to get over you
What's the point of having my phone nowadays?
I'm only chasing your shadows, my addicting pursuit
I guess I'm considering to throw it away

The wind blows and makes me cold
Your absence in my life makes my mind refuses to grow old
What should I do? How do I do it? How can I learn?
Please stay. Please don't make our pictures burn.

People's voices are echoing sarcasm,
But not fading your voices away
The only voices that make me have an eargasm
The only voices I will obey

Fix Me

Lately I'm dreaming and my walls are empty
We both went in different ways
The distance seperated our path
You said,"You made it without me, right?"
And the bed was cold once again

Will you come back when I'm already fixed myself?
Will you be ready for another chapter of our book?

I can't remember how much I've spent today
I can't recall how many cigarettes I had today
Well, you're not fading out
And you will be my last escape

Should I tell you all of nightmares I've dreamt?
You want me to bow? Or you want me to be bigger?
I've had enough to be this low, I've had enough of this suffer
Let me tell you that I miss you now, I'll love you forever

Me Against You

You’ll never be okay, as long as you’re with me

Lend your shoulder and they will see

Is it impossible, or definitely maybe?

Nobody trusts about everything that endlessly

The conversations between us, sometimes they’re boring

I thought of anything and plan our happy ending

Our sweet memories and tragedies, it’s slowly sinking

And all of the joy now, makes me barely breathing

Yes I’m a child, not like you

We are men, we never grow up

This is the story of me, not the story of two

If anyone involves, I will quit and stop

Mencoba Kembali

Karena celah itu satu-satunya penglihatan,
Untuk memantau ketidakberadaanmu
Sepertinya mereka telah menaruh curiga
Menatapku tidak suka.

Mereka tidak mengerti, itu hari terakhirku
Hari itu panas,
Terlebih lagi seorang pria yang terduduk di depan terasmu
Anak-anak kecil yang bermain
Pria setengah baya yang memanskan mobilnya
Sekelompok anak muda yang berkumpul
Aku hanya bisa menunggu mereka masuk rumah mereka

Aku bahkan tidak tahu apa kau menerimanya
Bangau-bangau itu yang bahkan lebih banyak dari umurmu
Aku melihat ke belakang, seorang wanita melihatku turun
Ke jalan, ke perantauan, semuanya semakin pudar

Percayalah
Aku hanya mencoba kembali,
Kepada pelukan hangatmu
Kepada celah jari kita yang saling mengisi
Kepada tawa kita yang membuatku enggan untuk pulang,
Ataupun memulangkanmu

Percayalah
Ketika mata kita bertemu lagi,
Tak akan ada lagi bentakan
Tak akan ada lagi balas-membalas
Tak akan ada lagi canda yang tidak diperlukan

Sebutlah
Apa yang kau ingin rubah dariku
Hadiah apa yang kau inginkan setiap minggunya
Film apa yang akan kita saksikan
Hari apa yang kau inginkan untuk aku pulang

Ketika semuanya seperti sedia kala
Pundakmu akan jadi satu-satunya yang pernah menerima air mata ini

Sempurna

Sempurna adalah kebohongan
Sempurna adalah penyangkalan
Sempurna adalah kesombongan
Sempurna adalah fatamorgana

Sempurna itu; dinamis
 
Sempurna adalah kekhilafan
Sempurna adalah mimpi
Sempurna adalah kesinambungan
Sempurna adalah ketidakmampuan
 
Sempurna itu; klise
 
Sempurna adalah kambing hitam
Sempurna adalah kelemahan
Sempurna adalah perspektif
Sempurna adalah pertahanan

"Ketika kamu mencari yang sempurna, kamu akan kehilangan yang terbaik"

Nightmares

There’s no day without a nightmare, these days

I have everything

I have the wealth, I have the position, I have the name

They all mean nothing

I can’t have it with you

I can’t decide anymore

I always asked for your opinion

Even if I regret those options

They still brought me smiles

It gets harder everyday and takes anything not to call

Everything about you always make me fall

All the roads not helping me forget the pain

Neither all the memories, and of course the vain

Which Path Will You Choose?

Imagine.
Just imagine.
Imagine what I wrote to you.
Feel it and imagine if it's really happening.

I give her options. Yeah, another bullshit I ask her.
Oh by the way, I'm insulting her with text messages for about 3 days (?).
I don't give a shit. I don't fucking care. Yet she's still with him.
According to her story, if it's true, I respect his attitude.
He gives her a week to make up her mind. If it's me or him, but I've had enough.
My chest is scattered, little by little by only reading her messages to me.

I have these paths I give her to imagine. It's much more like the best-and-worst scenario I made.

1. Get back to me. Get back before he falls in too deep for you like I did. Explain for yourself and he will accept it. No hard feelings between us.
2. Stay with him. You'll really fall in love with him, just like you did with me. I won't interrupt (I hope). We're growing old separated, again and maybe, just maybe, we will get married, with our own couple. Leaving regrets, in our minds, or worst, just my mind. And we keep growing old, keep growing, keep growing, keep growing..... Until my time comes up. You come to my funeral. You cry a lot. You're bringing the past in front of my grave. You're thinking about what I said a long time ago and yeah, you feel the fucking regret. Or worst, I'm already out of your mind, kicked out of your heart.

I hope she's happy

(I wish her heart will shattered, in pieces)

I hope he'll protect her no matter what

(I wish he tortures her, inside and outside)

I hope he sings with her like I did

(I wish he's yelling to her ears everyday)

I hope he will accompany her everywhere she wants

(I hope his vehicle crashes. And burns)

I hope he stays with her no matter what

(Break up immediately, seriously)

God I hope I really mean it

(FUCK YOU, HAVE A NICE FUCKING ROT IN HELL)